Bælēaġe

It’s difficult to read much on-screen, as my one remaining eye is extremely short-sighted and tends to get slightly inflamed. I’ve always hated wearing glasses and the bale-eye only intensifies the sense of weirdness, of dislocation, alienation. Along with losing most of my right hand I am at a grave disadvantage.

This world is generally difficult, for everyone. I have become adroit at managing an existence, despite being now perforce a left-hand man. I sleep a great deal. When awake, I meditate or drink. The grand blur from my right eye induces a kind of slumber, I feel I should be asleep, or in whatever oblivion I can arrange.

My shitty minimum-wage job affords me barely enough work to buy food. I live in something like a rubbish dump, ruled over by a subhuman schizophrenic hoarder; I have cleared a tiny zone of order, beyond which — madness. My oldest friend recently visited; he is an autistic Chemist who will happily live in total chaos & squalor - even he was disturbed by the utter filth & insanity of my dwelling. I have no alternative, except to kill myself or become homeless. I have no skills or education. I can’t program computers; I don’t know backend sigma six cloud marketing; I have no useful experience or certificates. I am an introvert. I dislike computers and am bad at mathematics. I disturb most people, on first acquaintance.

Nonetheless, I am generally cheerful. I shall apparently have an eye operation in a fortnight — who knows if it will heal or harm, I have lost all confidence in doctors and will be unsurprised if I come out of the anaesthetic to find myself totally and irremediably blind, with both eyes missing. Whatever the outcome, it could be worse, there will be some cause for hope.

It is often very difficult to read anything onscreen. I have given up even trying to keep up with most claims on my attention. There may be something of a hiatus here.